Chapter 15

I keep seeing her in the courtyard. The same girl from the phone booth.

She is adorable. Part of me really wants to talk with her and the other part says just to stay focused.

The first part usually wins every time.

Her name is Lacey.

Twenty-one year old heroin addict. She is in the extended program.

I talk to her for quite some time and it is completely refreshing. I meet a couple of her friends. Aaron is the one that I get the vibe from. He sends me that male territorial vibe. I know immediately that he likes this girl. I don't let it phase me.

Are you going to the store tonight?

What do you mean?

She tells me about the sign up sheet at the front desk. The first 8 who sign up can go to Drug Emporium. I laugh at the fact we would be going to "Drug Emporium". The irony sometimes is too much.

I run inside.

I actually run.

I want to get out of here for a little bit. Truth of the matter is we could be going to the dentist and I would still sign up. I just want to be around this girl for a little while. I have always loved being around beautiful women. Usually the wrong ones.

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It is raining that night.

We all meet in the front lobby and find out that John, the front desk guy with huge glasses, is going to be our driver for the evening.

We all pile in the "Druggie Buggie" and we are off.

The Druggie Buggie is a big Ford Econo-van that is used to take all of us to outside meetings. We get to go to outside AA and NA meetings during the week if we want. One way or another you are going to meetings. Either at the center or outside of it.

I have control issues.

I don't like being a passenger in ANY vehicle whether it be a van, car, plane or tank. I just don't like the feeling of having someone else control my destiny. I am beginning to understand how this relates to my addictions and how it relates to God. I havent been able to trust God. I haven't been able to let Him take the wheel.

Let go. Let God


John looks like Mr. Magoo with his glasses. Those glasses tell me that he has trouble seeing.

It is raining.

Thank God I have Lacey to distract me. We laugh and tell stories and start counting how many signs advertising alcohol we see. It is amazing to me. I can't believe how many there are. Neon signs everywhere. Billboards. I never noticed before.

Now that I have spent 10 days sober they seem to be everywhere.

Advertising pain.

I am deep in thought over this when I hear her voice. Very soft and casual at first.

John... John... John.. JOHN! JOHN! JOHN!

I look up and we are fast approaching a red light and John doesn't see it at all. He finally does and slams on the breaks. We skid. We stop. Its all good.

Sorry.

Its Ok John just watch where you are going.

Nervous laughter from all of us.

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The Drug Emporium has a barber shop in it and also a pet store. I go into the pet store first and just want to hold a puppy.

I spend about ten minutes letting this little guy just lick my face.

Puppy breath.

Beautiful puppy breath.

I decide that I want nothing more than to cut off all of my colored hair. It is copper colored and spiked. Cozmo has been calling me "Thunder Cat" all damn week. I have a nasty long goatee and unshaven face. I just want to feel clean.

I get a very short haircut and I get rid of the beard and goatee.

I can feel my Mom smiling already.