Chapter 19
Two new guys in our small group today.
The Hippie and the Hypocrite.
The Hippie is so whacked out on detox meds for his heroine addiction that it is actually funny to watch him nod off in his chair. He is currently in his own world.
The Hypocrite is around 50 years old and his body language tells all of us to just not talk to him. He informs everyone as he sits down that we are all pussies who can't handle drinking.
This is so funny to me.
What do you mean? What about you?
What about me?
He says this to me with extreme anger. So much anger that our counselor Adam steps in to stop the exchange. Rehab can get ugly. We are ugly people with ugly issues that we haven't come to terms with.
We know how to destroy.
Take it easy you guys. We aren't going to have a pissing contest on your first day in group.
Whatever. He is a pussy.
I don't let it bother me. I have been here for a bit now and I know he just isn't happy to be sitting in a small group in rehab. I really think the issue is all of our ages. We are all 30 and under, Adam included.
This is his tenth rehab facility.
His tenth attempt. I should really say it is his families tenth attempt because you can already tell he isn't going to be anything but trouble.
The tension in the room is finally broken by the Hippie. Out of nowhere he just grabs Adams keys that are on the floor.
I will go. I will go and that will be that.
We all just look at him and laugh.
What did you just say?
He looks at Adam blankly.
Can I have my keys?
They keys drop to the floor and he nods off again. He is clueless to his surroundings. Adam asks if a couple of us will take the Hippie back up to the detox wing. He just isn't ready to be a contributing member of small group.
No shit.
***********************************
I sign up for my first meeting outside of the rehab facility. It is a Narcotics Anonymous meeting and I am interested to see how all of these outside meetings work. After dinner we all board the druggie buggie and head off.
We pull up to the church and there is ten or so people out front smoking. It is an interesting mix of people. Biker to businessman, homeless to hottie. Apparently drugs just don't care.
The meeting is a large one. The chairs are a huge circle and I find an open one. I have no idea what to expect.
The meeting has a chairperson that basically gets things rolling. Some things are read that are read at every meeting. The chairperson then talks about whatever topic they want to talk about. Its like drug story time. That person finishes their story and calls on someone else. I learn later that there are different kinds of meetings that operate different ways.
The stories are great. I mean great because I can relate to them. It is a weird dynamic. Someone is talking about how they are completely suicidal and wanting to kill the next person they see and there are actually people nodding theirs heads in agreeance.
Lets see that happen in a PTA meeting.
Some people cry when they talk and others are there just because they love to hear themselves talk. I actually feel at home in this meeting. I feel like I "get" these people.
There is a point in the meeting where they acknowledge time in recovery.
Is anyone here for their first meeting.
That's me.
I just kind of raise my hand not knowing what else to do. She asks me to come up and get a key chain. She gives me a hug and says keep coming back.
People clap.
The key chain reads Just For Today
That is how I am going to have to live my life from now on. Just For Today.
One day at a time. One moment at a time.
After the meeting we go outside and smoke. There is so many people that come up to us newcomers that got our first key chain. They shake our hands. They hug us. They welcome us "Home".
Seeing a newcomer to the program reminds them of where they have come from.
Some journeys are longer than others
************************************
He is sitting on the front steps of the treatment facility when we return.
He is wasted.
Who knows how much he has had to drink already but the two fifths that sit with him tell me he isn't even close to done.
HI PUSSIES! ANYONE WANT A DRINK?
He is taunting us. Someone please join me in my pain.
It is painful to see. It is the truth about addiction right before all of our eyes. He made it through detox and one day in small group. He got sober enough to realize he didn't want to feel.
We all learn to kill pain in one way or another.
As I walk by him I feel like I have to say something.
You don't have to do this man. You can get sober.
The hypocrite just stares forward into the night.
I could, but I just don't fucking care.
and that was that. I walked inside the doors to the treatment facility and left him and his pain on the front steps. He wasn't even here long enough to know his name.
Sad but true.
The Hippie and the Hypocrite.
The Hippie is so whacked out on detox meds for his heroine addiction that it is actually funny to watch him nod off in his chair. He is currently in his own world.
The Hypocrite is around 50 years old and his body language tells all of us to just not talk to him. He informs everyone as he sits down that we are all pussies who can't handle drinking.
This is so funny to me.
What do you mean? What about you?
What about me?
He says this to me with extreme anger. So much anger that our counselor Adam steps in to stop the exchange. Rehab can get ugly. We are ugly people with ugly issues that we haven't come to terms with.
We know how to destroy.
Take it easy you guys. We aren't going to have a pissing contest on your first day in group.
Whatever. He is a pussy.
I don't let it bother me. I have been here for a bit now and I know he just isn't happy to be sitting in a small group in rehab. I really think the issue is all of our ages. We are all 30 and under, Adam included.
This is his tenth rehab facility.
His tenth attempt. I should really say it is his families tenth attempt because you can already tell he isn't going to be anything but trouble.
The tension in the room is finally broken by the Hippie. Out of nowhere he just grabs Adams keys that are on the floor.
I will go. I will go and that will be that.
We all just look at him and laugh.
What did you just say?
He looks at Adam blankly.
Can I have my keys?
They keys drop to the floor and he nods off again. He is clueless to his surroundings. Adam asks if a couple of us will take the Hippie back up to the detox wing. He just isn't ready to be a contributing member of small group.
No shit.
***********************************
I sign up for my first meeting outside of the rehab facility. It is a Narcotics Anonymous meeting and I am interested to see how all of these outside meetings work. After dinner we all board the druggie buggie and head off.
We pull up to the church and there is ten or so people out front smoking. It is an interesting mix of people. Biker to businessman, homeless to hottie. Apparently drugs just don't care.
The meeting is a large one. The chairs are a huge circle and I find an open one. I have no idea what to expect.
The meeting has a chairperson that basically gets things rolling. Some things are read that are read at every meeting. The chairperson then talks about whatever topic they want to talk about. Its like drug story time. That person finishes their story and calls on someone else. I learn later that there are different kinds of meetings that operate different ways.
The stories are great. I mean great because I can relate to them. It is a weird dynamic. Someone is talking about how they are completely suicidal and wanting to kill the next person they see and there are actually people nodding theirs heads in agreeance.
Lets see that happen in a PTA meeting.
Some people cry when they talk and others are there just because they love to hear themselves talk. I actually feel at home in this meeting. I feel like I "get" these people.
There is a point in the meeting where they acknowledge time in recovery.
Is anyone here for their first meeting.
That's me.
I just kind of raise my hand not knowing what else to do. She asks me to come up and get a key chain. She gives me a hug and says keep coming back.
People clap.
The key chain reads Just For Today
That is how I am going to have to live my life from now on. Just For Today.
One day at a time. One moment at a time.
After the meeting we go outside and smoke. There is so many people that come up to us newcomers that got our first key chain. They shake our hands. They hug us. They welcome us "Home".
Seeing a newcomer to the program reminds them of where they have come from.
Some journeys are longer than others
************************************
He is sitting on the front steps of the treatment facility when we return.
He is wasted.
Who knows how much he has had to drink already but the two fifths that sit with him tell me he isn't even close to done.
HI PUSSIES! ANYONE WANT A DRINK?
He is taunting us. Someone please join me in my pain.
It is painful to see. It is the truth about addiction right before all of our eyes. He made it through detox and one day in small group. He got sober enough to realize he didn't want to feel.
We all learn to kill pain in one way or another.
As I walk by him I feel like I have to say something.
You don't have to do this man. You can get sober.
The hypocrite just stares forward into the night.
I could, but I just don't fucking care.
and that was that. I walked inside the doors to the treatment facility and left him and his pain on the front steps. He wasn't even here long enough to know his name.
Sad but true.
posted by steve at 10:16 AM
1 Comments:
sad. the man you just described reminds me of my dad.
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