Chapter 34

Cozmo and I meet up in the lobby for our morning workout. It sucks to have to get up so early but it's the only way to get exercise in. It is also one of the only ways to escape the walls of the facility.

We walk down the street in a big group. It feels a lot like a grade school field trip.

The rehab facility is located right in the middle of a college town. Right in the middle of the University district. There are apartments that house students all around the center. At night in the courtyard you can hear them partying.

I always wonder how many of them might end up here.

The morning walks to the YMCA are always a bit brisk. I have gotten into the habit of picking of trash along the way. It is just something that I feel like I should start doing. It is like my good deed for the day.

I am really trying to force myself to start being of service.

any way that I can.

There are a few choices at the YMCA. We play a good pick up game of hoops on most days. There is a full weight room and swimming pool. There is also racquet ball. When we aren't playing hoops I am lifting weights. Something about the weights makes me burn a lot of the tension I have.

Cozmo and I are competitive boys.

We play serious trash talk hoops. I love it. He is an athlete. Quarterback.

He is gifted like that.

He and I have become the best of friends. We hang together all the time and we talk things out. We talk about what is going on inside of our heads. The other guy that hangs with us is a kid named Curtis. He is 19 years old and the nicest kid in the world. Cozmo and I big brother him. I think it is great that he is getting on with this so young. I only wish that I had done so and not gone through another 10 years of hell.

Nothing I can do about that now.

Curtis plays hoops with us everyday also. He comes from a small town and all of his friends drink and do meth. All of them. I just keep thinking that he is going to have a hard time staying away from that when he gets out. Tough to run away when you come from a small town.

After our game we head back to get breakfast.

We are going to have visitors today.

Most of us are pretty anxious.

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My brother showed up on time which is amazing for him. That actually meant the world to me because it showed how much he really wanted to see me.

He walked in the door and I could see that he wasn't going to be able to hold back any emotion at all. He was already in tears.

I can only imagine how hard it is for my family to see me like this.

In rehab for drug and alcohol addiction.

My brother gave me a hug and we cried for a bit.

Tears always seem to flow within these walls. They fall without hesitation and judgment. Most are tears that haven't had the chance to fall elsewhere.

I'm proud of you

I understand what he means but it is a hard phrase to hear when you are in rehab. Tough to feel like you deserve praise.

I show my brother around. It isn't the greatest tourist attraction in the world but it does give him an idea of what I do every day.

He lets me know that my pillow is out in the car.

I couldn't be happier.

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I can tell from Cozmo's body language that he is pissed off that some people are asking for his Dad's autograph.

Damn, let them have some family time. This is hard enough as it is.

His Mom and Dad have both come and it is a pleasure to meet them. His Mom gives me a very warm hug and I just think she is the greatest woman. His Dad is a great guy also and is taking the autographs and stares in stride.

I can't imagine that this is the most comfortable situation in the world for any of them.

I just put my arm around Byrce and tell him its cool.

Fuck, I wish they would just leave it alone. It's rehab man, not autograph time.

Take it in stride. You forget we are in a land of sick people.

I wink at him.

Ain't that the truth.

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My brother came back from his car with my pillow. I was so happy.

I can't wait to go sleep tonight.

He also brought me a big picture that my nephew had drawn for me. They of course didn't tell him where I was. I am thankful for that.

In time he and I will have a talk.

The picture is of his family. Dad, Mom and two sisters.

Giant headed stick figures that only a 4 year old can draw.

Then I see the two figures holding hands.

One little one and one big one. Under them are our names.

My little angel. My precious nephew. I can think that if there is only one reason to stay clean and sober in the world, it would be him.

I am his Uncle.

I just sit and stare at drawing in silence.

My brother puts his arm around me and I try not to get any tears on my nephews masterpiece.

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All of us meet for lunch. We sit and eat and talk about safe subjects.

None of the visitors really knows what to ask or how to act. It can be a little uncomfortable. It is an amazing dynamic in the dining hall because of the visitors. There are husbands and wives, Mom and Dads, sons and daughters and also people eating alone with no visitors at all.

You can read the tension on faces. You can feel the anger on others. You can see the hurt and see the questions and fear.

Does it all end here.

Finally.

Is the hell finally over?

I see Adam with his two kids. They are so sweet. He is just holding his boy and he looks really happy. It is good to see.

After lunch we hit the courtyard.

Cozmo elbows me.

Check it out.

He nods his head in the direction of a very good looking lady. Standing with her is the guy with the one flew over the cuckoos nest scar. It is his wife.

Who woulda thunk it.

How in the hell did he do that?

We just laugh.

When you get packages at rehab they announce your first name and last initial over the loudspeaker. Cozmo's name gets called as we are all standing around.

He walks to the front desk where John works. There is a ton of people in the lobby checking in still.

When you get packages they have to look through them to make sure people aren't sending you drugs or anything that you aren't allowed to have.

With Cozmo standing right there, John opens the care package.

The package is from a girl.

The first item is a teddy bear. How precious. I am giving him shit for this for sure. The next is a bunch of pictures.

John reaches in and pulls out a bundle of cloth.

What do we have here?

As he opens up his find his eyes get huge behind his glasses.

I swear that they actually fogged up a little.

A pair of women's underwear. A nice pair of thong underwear held up just long enough for all to see.

The reality of what he was actually holding hit John and he shoved them back in the box and gave it to Cozmo.

Everything looks ok there.

Both of them are bright red.

Cozmo tries to get this package back to his room as fast as he can.

I follow close behind him laughing my ass off.

HEY BRYCE, WHATCHA GOT IN THE BOX? WHAT'S IN THERE?? HEY DID YOU SHOW YOUR MOM WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIEND SENT YOU?

I berate him all the way through the courtyard.

A courtyard full of family.

Through his laughter I hear him say,

I hate you.