Chapter 22
I actually laughed when I saw that someone had broken into my truck and stolen my stereo and all my speakers. How much more perfect could it get.
The night I asked her to marry me in Seattle the same thing happened. My truck was broken into and the stereo and speakers were stolen.
Apparently things have come full circle.
I drive home and I call my Mom. It is past midnight and I wake her up. I break down and just weep. I tell her the hell that I have been in. I tell her about the abuse.
She tells me to come home.
Home.
I don't even remember what that word is.
I get to my parents house and my Mom and Dad just hold me. I feel comforted for the first time in as long as I can remember. This is my family. This is my home.
I am safe.
*********************************
It is my nephews birthday the very next day. My entire family is showing up for it. My Aunts and Uncles and cousins.
Everyone.
It is too much.
I hide in the garage and I cry. I huddle in the corner of the garage and I cry. My big brother shows up and finds me and he is crying just as hard for me. He feels my hurt. My whole family feels my hurt.
Family. I found new meaning to this word that day.
They loved me and they surrounded me. They welcomed me home.
My brother told me that I could move in with his family for as long as I needed. My nephew Matt just turned a year old when we became roommates.
I left my wife on a Friday.
Monday my brother and I went and got all my clothes while she was at work. I took my clothes, the TV and my playstation. I left the rest.
I Had started a new job selling yellow page advertising about a month prior to this. I decided that I would go to work on Monday. I was in no shape to do so but I did anyways.
I went to our regular morning meeting and we had a new boss in our office.
His name was Brian and he was also a Pastor.
Looks like God took my offer pretty seriously.
He found me crying outside later in the day. Crying and smoking. I told him everything. He invited me out to his church that Sunday.
I couldn't say no.
***************************************
Sunday morning came and I traveled out to Hillsboro Oregon to a small church. They were just trying to start it up and there was maybe 30 people. I sat in the back and I cried the whole time. I had held so much pain inside of myself that it was coming out and I couldn't stop it.
They all prayed for me. They surrounded me and they prayed. Brian told me there was someone he wanted me to meet.
There was a guy there that was a few years younger than me who was playing bass for the small worship band. His name was Joe. Brian introduced us and told him that I was a musician and singer. Joe and I got to talking.
Turns out that he was in a Christian band with two other guys. They had been praying for a lead singer for this band. Someone who had been through the fire and come out the other side.
He asked if I was interested in coming out to sing and play with them later in the week.
More than you'll ever know.
I brought my guitar out later that week and met them all at Joes house where they practiced. I met the other guys in the band.
The drummer was a guy named Ariel and the guitarists name was Mark.
I opened my guitar case and I pulled out my guitar and played them a song I had written called "Nobody's Touch". They liked it.
They played some of their music and I decided to try and sing with Mark. The moment he and I sang together I realized that we had something.
They realized also.
I was excited when I left. I had found a band. God had directed me to them. It was amazing.
As I lit my joint for the drive home, I smiled.
The night I asked her to marry me in Seattle the same thing happened. My truck was broken into and the stereo and speakers were stolen.
Apparently things have come full circle.
I drive home and I call my Mom. It is past midnight and I wake her up. I break down and just weep. I tell her the hell that I have been in. I tell her about the abuse.
She tells me to come home.
Home.
I don't even remember what that word is.
I get to my parents house and my Mom and Dad just hold me. I feel comforted for the first time in as long as I can remember. This is my family. This is my home.
I am safe.
*********************************
It is my nephews birthday the very next day. My entire family is showing up for it. My Aunts and Uncles and cousins.
Everyone.
It is too much.
I hide in the garage and I cry. I huddle in the corner of the garage and I cry. My big brother shows up and finds me and he is crying just as hard for me. He feels my hurt. My whole family feels my hurt.
Family. I found new meaning to this word that day.
They loved me and they surrounded me. They welcomed me home.
My brother told me that I could move in with his family for as long as I needed. My nephew Matt just turned a year old when we became roommates.
I left my wife on a Friday.
Monday my brother and I went and got all my clothes while she was at work. I took my clothes, the TV and my playstation. I left the rest.
I Had started a new job selling yellow page advertising about a month prior to this. I decided that I would go to work on Monday. I was in no shape to do so but I did anyways.
I went to our regular morning meeting and we had a new boss in our office.
His name was Brian and he was also a Pastor.
Looks like God took my offer pretty seriously.
He found me crying outside later in the day. Crying and smoking. I told him everything. He invited me out to his church that Sunday.
I couldn't say no.
***************************************
Sunday morning came and I traveled out to Hillsboro Oregon to a small church. They were just trying to start it up and there was maybe 30 people. I sat in the back and I cried the whole time. I had held so much pain inside of myself that it was coming out and I couldn't stop it.
They all prayed for me. They surrounded me and they prayed. Brian told me there was someone he wanted me to meet.
There was a guy there that was a few years younger than me who was playing bass for the small worship band. His name was Joe. Brian introduced us and told him that I was a musician and singer. Joe and I got to talking.
Turns out that he was in a Christian band with two other guys. They had been praying for a lead singer for this band. Someone who had been through the fire and come out the other side.
He asked if I was interested in coming out to sing and play with them later in the week.
More than you'll ever know.
I brought my guitar out later that week and met them all at Joes house where they practiced. I met the other guys in the band.
The drummer was a guy named Ariel and the guitarists name was Mark.
I opened my guitar case and I pulled out my guitar and played them a song I had written called "Nobody's Touch". They liked it.
They played some of their music and I decided to try and sing with Mark. The moment he and I sang together I realized that we had something.
They realized also.
I was excited when I left. I had found a band. God had directed me to them. It was amazing.
As I lit my joint for the drive home, I smiled.
posted by steve at 1:25 PM
3 Comments:
I can't stop bawling as I read this so I have no idea how you can write it. Your strength and your determination to do so are awe inspiring. Thank you.
Yes, I cried some more too.
I started to just read a little bit of it, but then I had to keep pushing on and reading it all the way through.
I agree with heather and Eddo! Im reading 10 chapters a day, today is day 2, I'm not a reader but I want to know everything about my friend, we are so alike, I had that Rage, consuming fire that blacked me out. I had to be careful of what I think. 5 years of sobriety from rage and pornography. I still have other issues that try to pop their heads but steve, you are a inspiration to keep going and trust God with every heart beat. No control issues
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