Chapter 23
"I Am" is the name of the band.
The name is taken from the Bible verse John 8:12
When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."
I Am. The Great "I AM".
It is a beautiful name and a great idea. I have been in darkness for so long that I could really use a little of the light of life. I want so badly to be free from the pain that I am feeling inside of me. I want to be free.
I don't know how.
Being a Christian is something that is foreign to me. Knowing that God is there isn't, but the whole following God and following the Bible thing?
No clue.
I have looked at Christians as really naive people that have never really lived. They go to church and they read the bible and they have really boring lives. I am an action man. I always have to have something going on. I have to find a way to make this work.
When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."
I am the light of the world.
I Am. The great "I AM"
Man, to me right now all I hear is I yam what I yam and that's all I yam.
I can't get Popeye out of my head.
I am now in a Christian band and my world is still very dark.
*****************************************
My sanity comes in the form of a one year old boy.
He is the joy in my life. He is my happiness. He is everything to me.
I spend so much time with my nephew. He heals me in a way. I get to live through him and get to see him experience new things each day. There is just something in his little eyes when he looks at me. He doesn't see the surface. He doesn't see the addict. His eyes penetrate to the truth.
He is the only one that sees the real me. He sees what I don't.
I don't think I have ever felt so in love with anything or anyone in my life.
He and I have a special bond. I can't explain it. He just sees the real me.
I am Uncle Steve and for some reason I bring this little guy a tremendous amount of joy. Inside I feel worthless and alone and here is a little guy who sees me and his entire face lights up.
I just hold him. I hold him every chance I get.
At night I put him into his crib and he lays there, looking at me through the little wooden bars as I softly sing him to sleep.
He doesn't cry.
Ever.
He just stares at his Uncle Steve and ever so slowly his eyes close and he drifts off into the beautiful dreams that only a child can have.
The name is taken from the Bible verse John 8:12
When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."
I Am. The Great "I AM".
It is a beautiful name and a great idea. I have been in darkness for so long that I could really use a little of the light of life. I want so badly to be free from the pain that I am feeling inside of me. I want to be free.
I don't know how.
Being a Christian is something that is foreign to me. Knowing that God is there isn't, but the whole following God and following the Bible thing?
No clue.
I have looked at Christians as really naive people that have never really lived. They go to church and they read the bible and they have really boring lives. I am an action man. I always have to have something going on. I have to find a way to make this work.
When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."
I am the light of the world.
I Am. The great "I AM"
Man, to me right now all I hear is I yam what I yam and that's all I yam.
I can't get Popeye out of my head.
I am now in a Christian band and my world is still very dark.
*****************************************
My sanity comes in the form of a one year old boy.
He is the joy in my life. He is my happiness. He is everything to me.
I spend so much time with my nephew. He heals me in a way. I get to live through him and get to see him experience new things each day. There is just something in his little eyes when he looks at me. He doesn't see the surface. He doesn't see the addict. His eyes penetrate to the truth.
He is the only one that sees the real me. He sees what I don't.
I don't think I have ever felt so in love with anything or anyone in my life.
He and I have a special bond. I can't explain it. He just sees the real me.
I am Uncle Steve and for some reason I bring this little guy a tremendous amount of joy. Inside I feel worthless and alone and here is a little guy who sees me and his entire face lights up.
I just hold him. I hold him every chance I get.
At night I put him into his crib and he lays there, looking at me through the little wooden bars as I softly sing him to sleep.
He doesn't cry.
Ever.
He just stares at his Uncle Steve and ever so slowly his eyes close and he drifts off into the beautiful dreams that only a child can have.
posted by steve at 10:42 AM
6 Comments:
So good. So good.
Amazing. Kids are so amazing. God is so amazing.
Kids have ways of touching our souls that adults lost long ago.
Steve: On KT's blog, when I said I was going to start reading this book, you replied, "Bout time you felt my pain, Jes. ;)"
Having finished reading what you have written so far, I do feel your pain. I've read every person's response to you, to your story. I've talked with KT in person about it, but not to any incredible depth.
The odd thing is that I feel like I can empathize with you so well. I read your words and I feel like they echo certain chapters of my life. I read your words and I am numb to them, numb to the story because it is so familiar to me, and yet I have never heard your story.
I read how others shed tears of grief for what you have been through, and I wonder why I, too, don't cry? I don't think that is normal.
I hate what you have suffered through. But I love how God has brought you through it. I love that God takes something that was meant for evil and molds it into something that will glorify Himself. I love your story of redemption.
Keep it coming.
Wow, you capture the innocent, non judgmental love of a child perfectly. Wow.
Children R Oh so VERY PRECIOUS!
:)
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