Chapter 61
Mark and Joe have been busy since I have been away.
I think it has been close to a year since we have played together. We have chatted on the phone and shot some emails back and forth but after the band fell apart we went separate ways.
They had families and I had Jack Daniels.
There is a great deal of uncomfortableness at first. They have another guy named Mark who has been playing guitar with them in the studio. I don't know him at all and I can only imagine what he has heard about me. We all know that this isn't going to be easy. The amends process has just started but the wounds aren't healed.
We decide, after some small talk, to just play. Let the music do the talking.
A little jam session.
It didn't take long at all to get into it. We picked a couple of our old tunes and for the first time in a long time, Mark and I were able to harmonize together.
One voice.
From that first time we sang together five years prior I have known that together we create one voice. After being in rehab and going through the last few months this was the sweetest sound I had heard in a long time.
I look over at Joe.
He is sitting behind his kit, hitting his drums with a big smile on his face.
Where is this life I saw, the life I saw
when I was so young?
A life in happiness, in bliss, before this suffering began
with visions of a child the darkness of this world
just passed me by
My innocence has aged and finally I can
read between the lines
When will I find my way
to a better land?
When will I be the one
to hold on to Your hand
When will I find a way
to say look a better day
When will I?
Hope is not gone within me
just momentarily delayed
I promise you my passion for this life
won't ever fade away
moving forward now I see happiness
ain't so far today
My eyes are opened now
and I dream of the day that I can say
When will I find my way
to a better land?
When will I be the one
to hold on to Your hand
When will I find a way
to say look a better day
When will I?
We sing this song and the words I wrote years ago seem to actually be coming to life. I think that I am finally finding my way to that better land. Finding a way to finally hold God's hand and not let go.
We play for some time. The other Mark leaves and it's just the three of us. The old band minus Ariel.
I want to come back and play.
They both are open to the idea but also want to make sure that I don't go back to the man I was before. I talk to them about the entire recovery process for me. What I am going through and what I do on a daily basis to stay sober.
The one thing that we all agree on is we need to be centered in Christ. I haven't had a home church in a long time. We decide that we should start going to Mark's church together. I am completely for the idea.
We make the decision that we are going to try and play together again. The three of us form the band "Jubalingen". This was a name Mark had been kicking around back in the "I Am" days. It comes from the book of Genesis. Depending on what translation of the Bible you look at, Jubal was the Father of all who play the flute, harp and organ. He also is called the inventor of the instruments in some translations. To us he is the first musician talked about in the Bible and that is a cool thing. He is talked about IN GENesis so Mark put together the name "JUBAL IN GEN".
Most importantly we just want to finish what we started five years ago.
Our band bio held everything we wanted to do.
Jubalingen: A thinking man's band with a heart for seeking, knowing, living and sharing the truth. To take a stand in sharing that knowledge,in hope of bringing resolution to matters that we all deal with on a daily basis, proclaiming why there is hope in every struggle. Keeping our eyes and hearts on the Lord through all that we do.
I want nothing more.
*******************************************
Sitting and watching Bob the Builder with Lacey's son, I convince myself that this isn't what I want.
I convince myself that I just can't be in a relationship with a girl that has a child that isn't mine.
I have been more distant towards Lacey since I met with Krista. I know that is what this is really about. It is about me being selfish once again.
The doorbell rings and Lacey answers it.
It is Aaron from rehab. He stopped by to say hello. I know that he LOVES seeing me there. He was never happy that Lacey and I got along in rehab. I knew from the start that he was interested in her. You can tell those kind of things.
I end up leaving. I am not at all mad when I leave but I can tell that Lacey is feeling that something is going on with me.
I need time to think about what I really want.
I have been bringing everything before God in prayer.
Everything but my love life.
********************************
Being in church with Mark and Joe is awesome.
There is a mid-week prayer service that Mark thinks will be great for us. I had never heard Mark's Pastor speak before.
He blew me away.
His name was Ron Mehl and he had been a Pastor at this church for thirty years. Twenty three of these years he spent battling leukemia. Mark tells me he is an amazing author also who has written a dozen books. The fact that he has leukemia hasn't slowed this guy down one bit. He still does five services a week.
I just like his approach. He is gentle and has a loving nature about him. The one thing I felt from the very moment I heard him speak was a presence of God. The Holy Spirit worked through this guy like no one I had ever heard.
Everyone got comfortable for the prayer time.
Most kneeled, facing towards the padded cushion of the pews. That looked good to me so I did the same.
Everyone just prayed as the music played and Pastor Ron spoke.
It was powerful.
I had been spending a lot of time in prayer at home. It seemed like I was always praying where ever I was. This was different. I was in a room full of people doing the same thing and it broke me.
I sobbed openly and without reservation.
It wasn't tears of pain. It was something different.
Tears of gratitude.
God was starting to do for me what I could not do for myself.
Freeing me from all of my past mistakes.
I think it has been close to a year since we have played together. We have chatted on the phone and shot some emails back and forth but after the band fell apart we went separate ways.
They had families and I had Jack Daniels.
There is a great deal of uncomfortableness at first. They have another guy named Mark who has been playing guitar with them in the studio. I don't know him at all and I can only imagine what he has heard about me. We all know that this isn't going to be easy. The amends process has just started but the wounds aren't healed.
We decide, after some small talk, to just play. Let the music do the talking.
A little jam session.
It didn't take long at all to get into it. We picked a couple of our old tunes and for the first time in a long time, Mark and I were able to harmonize together.
One voice.
From that first time we sang together five years prior I have known that together we create one voice. After being in rehab and going through the last few months this was the sweetest sound I had heard in a long time.
I look over at Joe.
He is sitting behind his kit, hitting his drums with a big smile on his face.
Where is this life I saw, the life I saw
when I was so young?
A life in happiness, in bliss, before this suffering began
with visions of a child the darkness of this world
just passed me by
My innocence has aged and finally I can
read between the lines
When will I find my way
to a better land?
When will I be the one
to hold on to Your hand
When will I find a way
to say look a better day
When will I?
Hope is not gone within me
just momentarily delayed
I promise you my passion for this life
won't ever fade away
moving forward now I see happiness
ain't so far today
My eyes are opened now
and I dream of the day that I can say
When will I find my way
to a better land?
When will I be the one
to hold on to Your hand
When will I find a way
to say look a better day
When will I?
We sing this song and the words I wrote years ago seem to actually be coming to life. I think that I am finally finding my way to that better land. Finding a way to finally hold God's hand and not let go.
We play for some time. The other Mark leaves and it's just the three of us. The old band minus Ariel.
I want to come back and play.
They both are open to the idea but also want to make sure that I don't go back to the man I was before. I talk to them about the entire recovery process for me. What I am going through and what I do on a daily basis to stay sober.
The one thing that we all agree on is we need to be centered in Christ. I haven't had a home church in a long time. We decide that we should start going to Mark's church together. I am completely for the idea.
We make the decision that we are going to try and play together again. The three of us form the band "Jubalingen". This was a name Mark had been kicking around back in the "I Am" days. It comes from the book of Genesis. Depending on what translation of the Bible you look at, Jubal was the Father of all who play the flute, harp and organ. He also is called the inventor of the instruments in some translations. To us he is the first musician talked about in the Bible and that is a cool thing. He is talked about IN GENesis so Mark put together the name "JUBAL IN GEN".
Most importantly we just want to finish what we started five years ago.
Our band bio held everything we wanted to do.
Jubalingen: A thinking man's band with a heart for seeking, knowing, living and sharing the truth. To take a stand in sharing that knowledge,in hope of bringing resolution to matters that we all deal with on a daily basis, proclaiming why there is hope in every struggle. Keeping our eyes and hearts on the Lord through all that we do.
I want nothing more.
*******************************************
Sitting and watching Bob the Builder with Lacey's son, I convince myself that this isn't what I want.
I convince myself that I just can't be in a relationship with a girl that has a child that isn't mine.
I have been more distant towards Lacey since I met with Krista. I know that is what this is really about. It is about me being selfish once again.
The doorbell rings and Lacey answers it.
It is Aaron from rehab. He stopped by to say hello. I know that he LOVES seeing me there. He was never happy that Lacey and I got along in rehab. I knew from the start that he was interested in her. You can tell those kind of things.
I end up leaving. I am not at all mad when I leave but I can tell that Lacey is feeling that something is going on with me.
I need time to think about what I really want.
I have been bringing everything before God in prayer.
Everything but my love life.
********************************
Being in church with Mark and Joe is awesome.
There is a mid-week prayer service that Mark thinks will be great for us. I had never heard Mark's Pastor speak before.
He blew me away.
His name was Ron Mehl and he had been a Pastor at this church for thirty years. Twenty three of these years he spent battling leukemia. Mark tells me he is an amazing author also who has written a dozen books. The fact that he has leukemia hasn't slowed this guy down one bit. He still does five services a week.
I just like his approach. He is gentle and has a loving nature about him. The one thing I felt from the very moment I heard him speak was a presence of God. The Holy Spirit worked through this guy like no one I had ever heard.
Everyone got comfortable for the prayer time.
Most kneeled, facing towards the padded cushion of the pews. That looked good to me so I did the same.
Everyone just prayed as the music played and Pastor Ron spoke.
It was powerful.
I had been spending a lot of time in prayer at home. It seemed like I was always praying where ever I was. This was different. I was in a room full of people doing the same thing and it broke me.
I sobbed openly and without reservation.
It wasn't tears of pain. It was something different.
Tears of gratitude.
God was starting to do for me what I could not do for myself.
Freeing me from all of my past mistakes.
posted by steve at 11:21 AM
4 Comments:
The story how you became Jubal. I love it.
Ron Mehl was excellent. I remember the day the news came over the radio that he had passed. His books are awesome and I loved listening to him on the radio every morning.
Now Jubalingen makes so much more sense to me! :)
What a touching experience in church that you shared.
Nice.
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