Chapter 53

I said that I was going to do everything that they told me to do in rehab. I was going to take every last bit of advice.

Looks like I am going to be taking most of the advice.

Adam had told me so many times that I should not be starting any new relationships for at least the first year of sobriety. Nothing can take an addict or alcoholic down like a broken heart or relationship stress. I understand what he meant but I really want to date Lacey. I sit and justify it in my head and the decision is made.

I double check this with my sponsor Jeff. He also tells me that it isn't the best idea to be starting a new relationship.

What do these people know.

My mind is made up. I was just hoping that Jeff might tell me its ok and give me just a little more justification in my decision.

I start spending lots of time with Lacey. We go to meetings together and we just hang out. I don't let her get in the way of my meetings or my workouts. I stick to my game plan. It works.

There is a Sunday night meeting that we go to in Lake Oswego. I meet up with Lacey and we stand outside and smoke with the rest of the folks. It is amazing to me how many recovering alcoholics and addicts I now know. They are everywhere.

We go inside and take our seats against the wall. Just before the meeting begins a guy my age walks in. As he walks by he looks down at me. Both of us are blown away. It is one of my best friends from my youth. Ryan and I played soccer together for at least 8 years. We were on several teams together and we competed against each other at rival High Schools. The last time I saw him was at one of my shows at the Gemini Pub in downtown Lake Oswego. My Christian band played there. The Gemini was a place I frequented when I was drinking and using. When I lived with my brother I was pretty much there nightly.

Ryan was there the night I played. It was great to see him. He was completely wasted.
He and I use to get high together back in the day. We would get high and listen to Iron Maiden and Pink Floyd. He was the only other friend of mine at the time that shared my love of Floyd. He also loved to listen to punk music. We would crank up old Suicidal Tendencies, Dead Kennedys, DRI and Black Flag.

You knew we were gonna end up in here.

I smile at him as he says it.

No doubt man. How long have you been sober Ryan?

Just over a year.

Sweet. That is awesome. I just got out of rehab and am working on my second month.

The meeting starts and throughout the whole meeting we just keep looking at each other and shaking out heads in disbelief. I think it is the coolest thing in the world. One of my oldest friends is in the program also.

After the meeting Ryan and I exchange numbers and go our separate ways. Lacey and I go to her house for the first time. I haven't met her parents or her son before. I have never been one to date a woman that has children but I really think that Lacey could be different for me. I think that she will understand me more than most.

I have never been a guy that has had a problem meeting parents either. I am comfortable with all people and my Father really taught me how to be a gentleman. I always give a firm handshake and I always make eye contact. I think that her parents like me from the start.

Her son is adorable. I love kids so I am just drawn to him. In that moment I realize that I am on dangerous ground. This is a little boy who doesn't, from what she has told me, have a strong Father figure beside Lacey's Dad in his life.

I have to be careful. I don't want to be a bad notch in this kids life.

Here today, gone tomorrow.

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On Thursday nights I go to outpatient aftercare.

This is at the same location I did my original intake interview with Joe. I haven't been here since and walking up the flight of stairs brings back the memory of that day. I walk in and I see Joe almost immediately. He recognizes me and tells me I look good. I tell him that I feel really good.

Do you have a sponsor?

I have a great sponsor.

He winks at me and says that's good.

There are three different groups you can be in. There is an all male group, an all female group (ok, two groups i can be in), and there is a mixed group. Based on Adam's recommendation I am put in an all male group. He thinks that I really haven't come to terms with the fact I was an abused husband.

He couldn't be more correct.

I love groups. I love meetings. I love the whole process of really talking about stuff. My group consists of guys that have been in and guys that haven't. The guys that have actually been IN rehab tend to understand the process a little more then those that haven't. The guys that haven't remind me of the guys in my diversion program. They really don't believe they have a problem.

I meet some incredible new guys.

I have a female counselor.

We are required to go to outside meetings. That isn't a problem with me at all. I hit meetings everyday without fail. Seven days a week. My sponsor told me to go to 90 meetings in 90 days and I plan on doing more than that. This is one thing I promised myself I would stick to. Meetings are my lifeline right now and I am not ready to cut that off for anything.

Tattoo Eric is in my group.

I am really happy to see him. He just got out today and he is looking good.

We exchange phone numbers. In fact, all of us exchange phone numbers. I carry a list of numbers in my wallet. A list of people I can call if I start falling apart. Jeff's number is at the top. He said I can call him at any hour of any day on one condition. I call him BEFORE I take the first drink because he said he can't do a damn thing for me after that.

There are guys in my group that I can tell I will get along with perfectly and there are a couple that I know I will clash with. There is one for sure. He is a pharmacist that liked to fill his own prescriptions. He lost his license and the only reason he is here is to try and get it back.

He blames everyone else but himself.

Wow that sounds familiar.

I can tell that this group is going to be good and challenging for me.

There is also a family night that allows members of your family to come in and all sit in a group setting. An addiction counselor talks to them about what we go through and they can ask questions. I think this is great. My parents both go to this and I know that it helps them to see a small piece of the hell I have been in.

Lacey is in another group on the same night. It's all a little like rehab with only one exception.

I get to go home and sleep in my own bed.