Chapter 41
Saturdays in rehab.
Less meetings more arts and crafts.
In one hand I have a pair of scissors and in the other a glue stick. I look at Cozmo and we have to just laugh. A pair of grown men with scissors and glue sticks looking through magazines for images to cut out.
Now I have been in situations like this a million times. Having to do something that I don't want to do or don't feel like is worthwhile for me to be doing. I know that I have a choice here. I can bitch and moan or I can just suck it up and partake in a little Arts and Crafts.
What the hell, it's not like I am going to get the chance to do this very often. I mean, I am a musician, an artist. This shit is my forte!
Others in our Saturday Arts and Crafts group are not agreeing with my "Hey lets be kids again" outlook. There is the smell of revolt in the air.
It comes in the form of a blonde girl. Fake blonde, but blonde just the same.
The chick with the roots is straight up trouble.
There is no absolute proof but most of us, in our hearts, feel that she is the one responsible for the Anti-Jew comments in Fred's Big Book. She puts up a fight with everything in here.
The food sucks.
The people suck.
You suck.
On and on. I don't let it phase me because at this point I could really care less. What she does to others in here is not my business.
This is so fucking stupid! What, are we like three year olds?
With arms crossed she makes her stand.
Why don't you just try to put together your collage and see what you come up with?
The guy leading our Arts and Crafts is a new counselor. I only see him on Saturdays. He lead us last weekend in meditation. What fun that was!
All of us in a room laying on the floor listening to Yanni.
There are some moments in here that are just priceless. Meditation day ranks up there.
Chick with the roots fought him on this day also. No big shocker.
The best part about it is the amount of snoring that goes on during meditation time. People tend to get real comfortable. There is nothing more spiritual then snoring during meditation.
Last week the snoring guy next to me actually farted.
As if the Yanni didn't stink enough.
It is really tough to get back to your happy place after something like that happens.
So here he is again with a room of addicts and alcoholics trying to get us to make collages that describe ourselves. I can tell that this isn't exactly what he had pictured in his mind as he was going to school to get his masters.
Things aren't always what they are made out to be.
I am not fucking doing this!
She is a woman that is trying to get attention in any way that she can. Not one of us in the room gives a damn if she joins us or not and we let her know. Almost in unison we give her the "Who cares" or "just SHUT UP". It makes us laugh.
We all just ignore the "Fuck You" that follows. You get real use to this phrase. When you take away whatever it is we are addicted to we can get pretty nasty. Everyone in here has gotten ugly at one point or another.
Some admit to it and try and get better and others just fight everything and you know that the second they leave they will be right back at it.
The chick with the roots is going to be right back at it. She is a bar chick. She is that girl that spends all of her time getting free drinks off men and treating them like they might have a chance at gettin' lucky. I always laughed at these girls in bars. They are the ones that think they get sexier the more they drink. To me there just isn't anything sexier then a woman that slurs. Get these girls in a group and you can have a whole night of entertainment just watching them. These are the same girls that end up crying and not being able to walk at the end of the night.
I laugh about it but her pain is the same as mine. I still sit here in rehab and judge her.
I'm no better.
I just shut her out for now.
Arts and Crafts is fun as fun gets in rehab. I thumb through magazines and cut out words and pictures and compare mine with Cozmo's. I don't really want to be doing this and really don't see how it is going to help, but I am not here to argue.
I am here to listen and learn.
Learn about myself.
Less meetings more arts and crafts.
In one hand I have a pair of scissors and in the other a glue stick. I look at Cozmo and we have to just laugh. A pair of grown men with scissors and glue sticks looking through magazines for images to cut out.
Now I have been in situations like this a million times. Having to do something that I don't want to do or don't feel like is worthwhile for me to be doing. I know that I have a choice here. I can bitch and moan or I can just suck it up and partake in a little Arts and Crafts.
What the hell, it's not like I am going to get the chance to do this very often. I mean, I am a musician, an artist. This shit is my forte!
Others in our Saturday Arts and Crafts group are not agreeing with my "Hey lets be kids again" outlook. There is the smell of revolt in the air.
It comes in the form of a blonde girl. Fake blonde, but blonde just the same.
The chick with the roots is straight up trouble.
There is no absolute proof but most of us, in our hearts, feel that she is the one responsible for the Anti-Jew comments in Fred's Big Book. She puts up a fight with everything in here.
The food sucks.
The people suck.
You suck.
On and on. I don't let it phase me because at this point I could really care less. What she does to others in here is not my business.
This is so fucking stupid! What, are we like three year olds?
With arms crossed she makes her stand.
Why don't you just try to put together your collage and see what you come up with?
The guy leading our Arts and Crafts is a new counselor. I only see him on Saturdays. He lead us last weekend in meditation. What fun that was!
All of us in a room laying on the floor listening to Yanni.
There are some moments in here that are just priceless. Meditation day ranks up there.
Chick with the roots fought him on this day also. No big shocker.
The best part about it is the amount of snoring that goes on during meditation time. People tend to get real comfortable. There is nothing more spiritual then snoring during meditation.
Last week the snoring guy next to me actually farted.
As if the Yanni didn't stink enough.
It is really tough to get back to your happy place after something like that happens.
So here he is again with a room of addicts and alcoholics trying to get us to make collages that describe ourselves. I can tell that this isn't exactly what he had pictured in his mind as he was going to school to get his masters.
Things aren't always what they are made out to be.
I am not fucking doing this!
She is a woman that is trying to get attention in any way that she can. Not one of us in the room gives a damn if she joins us or not and we let her know. Almost in unison we give her the "Who cares" or "just SHUT UP". It makes us laugh.
We all just ignore the "Fuck You" that follows. You get real use to this phrase. When you take away whatever it is we are addicted to we can get pretty nasty. Everyone in here has gotten ugly at one point or another.
Some admit to it and try and get better and others just fight everything and you know that the second they leave they will be right back at it.
The chick with the roots is going to be right back at it. She is a bar chick. She is that girl that spends all of her time getting free drinks off men and treating them like they might have a chance at gettin' lucky. I always laughed at these girls in bars. They are the ones that think they get sexier the more they drink. To me there just isn't anything sexier then a woman that slurs. Get these girls in a group and you can have a whole night of entertainment just watching them. These are the same girls that end up crying and not being able to walk at the end of the night.
I laugh about it but her pain is the same as mine. I still sit here in rehab and judge her.
I'm no better.
I just shut her out for now.
Arts and Crafts is fun as fun gets in rehab. I thumb through magazines and cut out words and pictures and compare mine with Cozmo's. I don't really want to be doing this and really don't see how it is going to help, but I am not here to argue.
I am here to listen and learn.
Learn about myself.
posted by steve at 9:58 AM
6 Comments:
Hmmm...
You know what I find really interesting? Is that as your book moves forward, the thought process in your narraration gets more and more introspective, deep, and wise. Little by little. It's as if the reader can literally just watch you get closer...and closer...and closer to God.
Is it possible for sometime to be proud of another person that they've never actually met in person? Cause if it is, then I'm all sorts of proud of you! Really Steve: this story is just warming my heart. Your story is such an amazing testimony of God's grace and love.
Proud, proud, proud!
Of course you mean "proud" in a "not so God resists me" kinda way right Steph? ;) ;)
Funny story about that. When my mom got one of those honor roll bumber stickers from me in HS that say "Proud parent of a CCR1 Honor Roll student!" She crossed out the word proud! :) My mom cracks me up. Well..at least she doesn't want to be proud...although, I think I've had a complex ever since. :)
"Last week the snoring guy next to me actually farted.
As if the Yanni didn't stink enough."
Tears in my eyes laughter... Love how you incorporate humor into this... I must go back and finish the chapter now.
OK...I don't know how appropriate this comment is but it doesn't fit in on your other blog, so I'll post it here...
Now that you are a pro with scissors and glue sticks, I am going to recruit you to help me make cards :oD lol!!
Good Stuff.
I'm with Ben. That made me laugh out loud. I really appreciate your sense of humor when writing all of this. I'm sure it's very difficult to write, but we are all here listening to you tell your story.
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